


After All These Years

by Moon_Crow



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Historical Hetalia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moon_Crow/pseuds/Moon_Crow
Summary: Berwald has a question and Tino has the answer.
Relationships: Finland/Sweden (Hetalia)
Kudos: 49





	After All These Years

**Author's Note:**

> Projecting my insecurities here because fuck you.

The pieces of writing you read about nightmares always tell you about the usual kind, one where the aftermath has you bolting upright, drenched in sweat and tears, breathing heavily. 

There’s another kind though, one that has an aftermath as calm as the death you wish you were granted, instead of suddenly waking up to a burning feeling of emptiness, anguish, and fear.

That was the one Berwald was having on just any other night.

A shaky gasp left his lips as his eyes shot open. He couldn’t move his body, or can he even feel it in the first place. It wasn’t until he could register the feeling of tears filling his eyes did he realize he was breathing.

Before he knew it, Berwald was striding out the door.

_How pathetic._

His bedroom had never felt more suffocating, especially since feeling the warmth that laid right beside him. Berwald knew he didn’t deserve to feel that warmth, and even though inviting, since seeing what he saw in his sleep, he had never felt more choked than he did.

_So pathetic._

He was in the kitchen now. His face dripping wet with cold water from the tap. Berwald knew he can’t be trusted around knives at the moment, but at least he didn’t have to look at the mirror and truly see what he looked like.

Why? Why are the nightmares coming back again at such a time when everything is already perfect? When he and Tino are marking milestone after milestone of their new relationship? When Peter had finally fully warmed up to them? When Erland, Alfred, and Matthew are as lovely as ever?

Berwald was doing so good at therapy, _so_ good that he can trust himself with knives again, so good that he can look at a history book without tearing up.

So why?

Berwald can still make out the vivid remnants of his memory being played back to him in his nightmare, with the twist of guilt and remorse that he felt when he thought of those times.

When he let Russia drag Tino away from him that day, instead of how it panned out, everything was calmer, Tino didn’t scream as much as he actually did.

Instead, Tino, Russia, and all those other important people at the time were simply staring at him with bloodshot eyes, whispering things that made Berwald physically bleed in his nightmare.

**_“You loved me. You said you would find a way for us to stay together despite it all going to hell. How could you betray me like this, Ruotsi?”_ **

**_“So much for Lion of the North, eh Mr. Sweden?”_ ** **_  
_** **_  
_** ******_“And here we thought the man that personifies our nation couldn’t be less repulsive.”_**

He can still hear the thud Tino’s matching promise ring made when he cast it off his finger and threw it at Berwald, landing it on the table where the treaty that tore them apart laid.

Berwald felt millions of eyes from millions of historians watching him give away the love of his life because he was compelled to fulfill his duty as the personification of Sweden. 

Moreover, he felt them studying his every breath, his trembling form, as the realization dawned on him that, had he just found it in himself to be content, to be careful not to fall for his own hubris, maybe he didn’t have to lose Finland, lose Tino, in the first place.

Berwald splashed another handful of water to his face and snapped the tap shut. 

_Pathetic._

When he cupped his own face, Berwald felt the familiar sensation on his finger. A ring. A promise ring. A promise ring whose twin belonged to Tino.

_So fucking pathetic._

What was he to Tino, really? More than two hundred years ago, Berwald gave Tino away to Russia. Before that, they were the power couple that dominated Northern Europe. 

Before two decades ago, they had only been casual colleagues and good friends, Berwald stumbling around him and trying to find the right word to say, while Tino downright refused to discuss their past or pretending nothing happened.

Then… then what? Tino hung out with Berwald more. In between that, they became affectionate. Now, here they were.

Even after all these years, Berwald is still bothered by what happened more than two hundred years ago.

Even after all these years, Tino came back to him.

And speaking of Tino, Berwald hadn’t noticed the pitter patter of his feet getting louder and louder, too deep in his thinking to even acknowledge that he was joined by another presence.

It wasn’t until Tino wrapped his arms around his waist from behind did Berwald realize he wasn’t alone, in more ways than one.

“Tino, I-”

“Don’t even fucking dare.”

Berwald choked back his sobs, taking a deep breath to stop the tears before they could come. A shaky chuckle replaced his cries instead, as he recognized that oddly charming irritation Tino dragged with him when woken up unpleasantly early.

“What do you think about what happened, Tino? What do you think about me?” he said

Tino pressed his forehead against the spot beneath Berwald’s nape, yawning loudly. “To be honest, I don’t even know that myself.” he answered, clicking his tongue a little

Somehow, one of Tino’s hands made it up to Berwald’s chest, laying where his heart would be, and there it was, the promise ring that matched his own. The one he forced off his finger that day in Fredrikshamn.

Berwald reached up and grabbed Tino’s hand, pressing it harder on his chest, their promise rings rubbing on each other.

“After all these years, why did you come back to me?” Berwald asked

And without missing a beat, Tino hastily, but lovingly answered, “Dunno for sure, but have you not just fucking considered that I still love you so god damn much, even if your dumbass costed us both our dignities?”

With that, Tino started snoring again. Falling asleep standing like he sometimes does. That’s good, because if he were awake, he’d snap at Berwald for letting the tears fall down his face.

“No, I haven’t.” Berwald replied, lifting Tino’s hand up to kiss his knuckles, “And I love you too.”


End file.
